I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
