Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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