I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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