omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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