the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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