I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
