wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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