I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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