just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
