He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
