RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
