and you said cock pushups were impossible
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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