I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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