The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
