Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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