my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
