We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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