You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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