Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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