Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
