ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
