guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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