I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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