i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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