God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Your dad touched me again.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
