i barfeds in our rink
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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