1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
