I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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