Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
