I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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