if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i need some magic done to my vagina
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
