tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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