I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The Olympian is in my bed
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
