you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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