who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
