I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
