I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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