i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
