I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
