legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
