i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
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