Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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