Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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