It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
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I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
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My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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