I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
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Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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