i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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