Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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