I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Sorry my hands just texted you
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
