I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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