Do you still have your period?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
