just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
