I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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