all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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