I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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