omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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