i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You are a genius and a whore.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
