There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
