btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
