I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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