i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
