I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so let's talk penis.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
