Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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