I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize