i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
