so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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