franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
