I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
