i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
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i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
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It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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