i don't like sucking hair
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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