Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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