I just threw up on my dentist
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
All the doctor said was why
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
