Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
