Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
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So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
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I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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