We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
